Back in January I publically confessed to never reading books. After receiving Crying In H Mart for Christmas I found many many half-read books with bookmarks cluttering my shelves. I wanted to (and still want to) read Crying In H Mart but my OCD won’t allow me to start another book without finishing some of the ones I have abandoned first.
Shortly after that confession newsletter, I received a gift in the mail. My aunt bought me…another book. My immediate reaction was a chuckle accompanied by a sarcastic “add it to the list” which I said out loud to myself in my kitchen like a crazy person. After reading her note, inspecting the cover, and flipping through some of the pages I realized this was actually a very thoughtful purchase.
The book she sent me is Home Cooking by Laurie Colwin. As the title implies it is about cooking at home, something I obviously am interested in. It is made up of 33 honest and hilarious short stories and recipes with illustrations to break things up. For someone who has a hard time with the monotony of long chapter books, this was right up my alley.
I started the first chapter on the couch when it was still cold out. Sometime in February. I didn’t get very far but I was interested. I packed it for Paris but in a last-minute panic to drop three pounds from my checked bag, I left it behind. I revisited it when it was just warm enough to relax in my hammock but still didn’t get very far. Then this past week I finally finished it.
I go up and down with my moods but nothing too serious that needs intervention. I could sit here and blame it on some past *trauma* but instead of making excuses I choose to look at it like this – life is hard and if I don’t proactively work at it, I allow it to get the best of me. I have labeled my small episodes of mild depression as funks and the issue is, I might realize I am in one but once I am there I can’t get out.
Anyways, winter in the midwest usually aids in these funks and this was the third year I have gone along with it. I stayed in bed after Marco got up, I skipped workouts because I didn’t want to drive in the weather, and I continuously ran out of time in the day leading to me feeling overwhelmed and behind on my tasks. I have been trying to get back on track for months but it has felt impossible every day.
While I was back home this weekend I went to Barry’s Bootcamp. An intermediate workout class that involves running on a treadmill and lifting various weights for 50 minutes. I love running and lifting weights just as much as I loved doing karate and pilates before moving to KC. Over the last few years while visiting LA I always felt silent shame after one of these classes. Not because I needed to be the fastest or strongest but because I didn’t feel good. Each class was a struggle and a reminder that I wasn’t taking care of myself physically as I had in the past.
This Christmas Marco and I gifted ourselves a Peloton treadmill. During the pandemic, we converted the garage into a gym with a bike, weights, and random exercise contraptions. I watched him use it daily with envy because I couldn’t get into it. It takes an enormous amount of willpower to push yourself when you are alone in your garage and it wasn’t happening for me.
The treadmill was really a gift for me. Running is not for everyone but I am one of those freaks that loves it. It takes your entire body to run. From the little muscles in your ankles, power from your quads, and your core to keep you upright. Most importantly you have to continuously tell yourself you can do this or your brain will convince you otherwise. Once everything starts working together and you begin to pick up speed you feel incredible and that’s why runners keep running.
My goal back in January was to run three times a week and always take a rest day in between. Somewhere around March, after that goal became easy, I added on the challenge of not walking during recovery periods. I allowed myself to jog at the slowest shuffle needed but my one goal was to not stop running for the entire 30-60 minute class. After all, I was alone in my garage who cares what pace I’m moving at. It wasn’t until I was in that Barry’s Bootcamp class last week following the teacher’s instruction that I realized how far I had come. The class was, dare I say, easy.
I have been setting goals and hitting milestones for months yet neglecting to celebrate when I achieve them. As a result, I have been feeling the exact same as when I was in a funk and unable to even set the goals.
When daylight savings started and the crack of dawn was bright again I instructed Marco to not wake me when he woke at 6:00 AM but to simply open the blinds. I knew that the sunlight wouldn’t allow me to roll back over and stay in bed an extra hour (or two). Without even trying I found myself up earlier each day and my days that “didn’t have enough hours in it” suddenly had a few extra. During those early hours, I would sit on the couch, not using my phone because I work on that healthy boundary of no phone first thing in the AM, but instead, watch Marco blow through two books a month by reading every morning.
After flipping through all the magazines I had at home I eventually reached for Home Cooking. I started with the goal of one short story a morning and the next thing I knew I was choosing to read over watching a movie on my three-hour flight?! Completely unheard of for me! Ask my mother.
This week I have been reflecting on how I feel. I feel good and it feels good to feel good. I don’t always feel good and these last few months felt like I was stagnant in every regard. In reality, I was just neglecting to celebrate the small accomplishments in my life. I had created a handful of new daily habits without knowing it and was still beating myself up for not doing enough each day.
I was excited to learn that Laurie Colwin has another book called More Home Cooking because I not only finished Home Cooking but I really loved it. For now, I have picked up a half-finished book from last year to get through and finally check off my list. Every morning I am up with the sun and tackle one easy chapter to start my day. The only difference is now when I finish my chapter I say out loud (like a crazy person talking to herself) “good job.”
Before we jump into the rest of the newsletter, I have to tell you about my annual rhubarb tart. Cooking and baking are things I do for work and I forget to do for fun. This week I indulged in baking a rhubarb tart. It was composed of four parts: gluten-free pâté sacrée for the crust, macadamia nut frangipane with shaved dark chocolate mixed in, cherry and rhubarb compote, and thin strips of poached rhubarb on top.
This baking project was just for fun. A way to be creative and get out of my head. I got lost in the process and enjoyed every minute.
This week’s Kitchen Club recipe…
Sizing Up Eggs *An article from David Lebovitz about recipe wording and measurements. These are things I think of often and enjoyed hearing his thoughts.
I'm lowkey obsessed with Burger King's new reusable packaging
How Samosa Shop combines Indian, West Indian, and New Jersey's flavors into wholly unique creations.
Fruit Leather: The Food You Can Eat, but Probably Shouldn’t Wear
Still doing scone research…
New Wordle-style game just for food…Phoodle. It’s actually really hard.
You need Home Cooking, of course!!
I am doing a bad job at promotion but next month (June) 🔥 Easy Summer Grilling 🔥 is back! Five weeks of easy grill recipes to repeat all summer long!
Xx M
Whenever I hear someone say they don’t read because they just “can’t get into” a long narrative book, I suggest books comprised of essays, short stories, poetry compilations. I love this genre so much because it’s easy to sit and read for 15 minutes and be done with one story. If you’re feeling up to it, read another! Getting into the habit of reading builds on itself and maybe you’ll find yourself reaching for that novel you’ve always wanted to check out.
I love hearing about your goals and embracing being gentle with yourself while still achieving measurable results. :)
Seems like you and Lilly have found the sunny spot … great newsletter💓💓