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I have been an emotional mess recently. It might be the retrograde, the change in seasons, constant traveling and exhaustion, weddings, anniversaries, loss, and overwhelming joy. My guess is that it’s a combination of all of it, with not enough time to process any of it. I have shed more tears in the last three weeks than I have in the last year. I’m not a crier and I deal with things privately but as I get older I find myself turning into an oddly sensitive and emotional being. Maybe an empath as my therapist suggests? Whatever is happening it feels weird. I feel like I am trapped on a roller coaster with no control and things keep hitting me. Over and over again.
To clarify I am not depressed, I am actually incredibly happy. I’m just feeling everything around me and can’t get out of my head. I’m obsessing over things that I would normally shake off and my thoughts have gone wild. At one wedding I wept out of deep sadness and loss. The kind of crying where I instantly knew I needed to leave and it was a good thing we did. The next day I was thrown into an endorphin rush of overwhelming love from my group of friends that I wish I lived close to again. At the other wedding, I cried with no exaggeration 15 times. I, and everyone else, teared up as the bride walked down the aisle. We sobbed when her brother recited a poem to honor her late father. During speeches, dances, and hugs I cried and cried and cried. They weren’t bad tears but there were lots of them.
There is an unfortunate and significant anniversary coming up for me. The type of thing you don’t celebrate but rather ignore until you wake up and are forced to deal with it. It is no different than the last nine years but the big one zero feels huge. It feels significant, overwhelming, painfully raw and it’s been looming over me since we entered fall. An anniversary of a day that was never supposed to come and this anniversary should never have been a thing too.
During the wedding, where I was already crying nonstop, I reconnected with probably the only person on earth who actually understands the deep secret feelings that surround this date. So although I, and hopefully she, feels a little less alone, I am also filled with regret that I neglected a relationship all these years that maybe we both needed. See, I told you, lots of emotions.
Instagram shut down for a day this week, did you notice? I sure did and you know what I felt…relief. I had already given myself permission to remove the focus on numbers and growth during my travels. The temporary crash of social media was the world giving me one more day to myself. Although I told myself I would work, I spent the day appreciating my life. We picked out pumpkins from Red Barn Farm, decorated the house, and just did chores. I hopped on the roof to leaf blow the gutters and found myself sitting up there just gazing into the woods. I felt deep gratitude for this life I have been given. On multiple times throughout the day, I sat in the doorway with Josie and Chaz and we watched Marco get the yard ready for new grass seed. Gutters, leaf blowing, and grass seeds…what a wonderful life!
Now on to cooking, the reason you all come here (maybe?). Because of all the catch-up I have to do, I haven’t been cooking much. These next three months I am spending a lot of time trying to get ahead. Designated kitchen time to get ahead in recipe testing, writing recipes and stories so I am not running around with minutes to spare, and planning for the new year. These are things I have been wanting to do for months but knew this travel would pull me away from everything. Now I am home and settling in. Getting into a pandemic-like schedule of working around the clock without leaving home. Something I’m not actually mad about.
So this week I cooked for comfort and convenience. A tinned fish and briny things snack board, pork and beans with leftover bones from the freezer, roasted squash, and lots of polenta (next week’s Kitchen Club recipe). All the things you keep in the pantry as backups. Warm, comforting, and always delicious meals.
Next week is the first week of my new schedule. Something I created and I have to hold myself accountable to. I’m a really good starter but not great with the follow-through, so wish me luck and send good vibes. Next week’s newsletter won’t be as heavy, promise, but thank you for reading today and always.
Wing It Recipe
This soup is V easy, super clean, and loaded with flavor. I like to make it the day after I roast a chicken. I shred the leftover meat and make broth with the bones. If you don’t want to do that, pick up a rotisserie chicken and buy some broth! Easy peasy.
Lemon Chicken + Rice Soup
• 1 Onion, diced
• 3 Carrots, sliced into rounds (because they look pretty)
• 3 Celery stalks, sliced
• 8 Cups chicken broth
• 2 Bay leaves
• About half a chicken, shredded
• A few heaping handfuls of fresh spinach (frozen works if that’s what ya got)
• 2 Lemons, juiced and zested if you want extra oomph
• Lots of fresh dill
• Lots of fresh parsley
• Olive oil for drizzling
• S&P
*2 cups of cooked white rice. Cooking the rice on the side keeps it from turning to mush. Watch my IGTV video if you need help cooking the perfect pot of rice.
1. Sauté your onions, carrots, and celery with some olive oil until they start to soften. Let’s say 5 minutes.
2. Add your broth and bay leaves. Simmer for 15 minutes.
3. Season with salt and pepper. Add your spinach and shredded chicken. Simmer until spinach has wilted and the chicken is warm.
4. Stir in lemon juice, dill, and parsley.
5. To serve, scoop some cooked white rice in a bowl and ladle soup on top. Drizzle with olive oil, season with extra S&P, and sprinkle with more fresh herbs.
ICYMI: This week in The Kitchen Club we talked about tuna canned in water vs. oil. This was something that you guys had strong feelings about and I didn’t necessarily agree with. The newsletter also included my recipe for A Fancy Tuna Sandwich.
Stuff to Read
‘No More Espresso Martinis!’ Why bartenders hate the hottest drink on the planet.
Does anybody actually eat those scary Halloween Wars cakes? I hate food waste and now I hate this show more than I did before.
Recipe Inspo
Thing Everybody Needs
I have officially pulled out my heating pad for the season. This is a luxury I enjoy on the couch almost every day during the cold months. The cats are big fans too. Well, now that I have an office I have two spots for heating pad enjoyment. I ordered a new nicer bigger weighted heating pad and I have used it 24/7 since it arrived. It travels from my desk to the bed at night. The weight makes all the difference and it is incredibly calming. I will be ordering another to keep in the bedroom. You NEED a weighted heating pad!!
Animal Cuteness
Every time I get up…
Now, after reading an article about lymphoma and crying some more, I’m headed back on the roof to clean the gutters again. Fall has just begun and we have many weeks of leaf clean-up ahead of us.
See you next week 😘
M