Welcome to Cooking Stuff. This is a place where we talk about all things food, cooking, and life. I paused my regular publishing frequency to focus more on IRL projects but you will still hear from me every now and then, just like today. If you are not a subscriber, hit that button below to join us. Upgrade to a paid subscription to unlock the full archive of 80+ recipes and get cooking. More of me, here.
I have been thinking a lot about sacrifices. I got married at 24 and for the last seven years I have been constantly asked “When are you having a kid?” I turn 31 this week and the conversation is louder than ever in our home.
In my early 20s I had a plan – married at 25 (check) and have a kid at 28 (lol no). After many years of feeling stuck in doom, this past year has been bursting with relief, self-discovery, and joy. We are settled into our life, I have a meaningful “career,” and I feel like myself again. Not the old me that I spent years searching for but I have gotten comfortable in the me I am today. Part of that was finally losing some weight I gained during the pandemic days. This is a topic that I never talk about here but something that consumes every thought of every day. I hadn’t felt like myself in years and recently I started feeling good in my clothes again, or my lack of clothes. I dedicated this summer to being hot again. To frolicking around in a teeny tiny bikini and not giving a single fuck because I’ll never be this age again. It has been wonderful but I just arrived in my body again and the idea of now sacrificing my body to change and grow a human being sounds awful.
In addition to frolicking in a bikini, I deeply craved going out and dancing in a sweaty warehouse to pumping house music all summer. Running in the grass at a music festival. Staying up until 3 am in Europe with my lover (husband). I didn’t do any of that because Backyards fall on Saturday and take up my whole weekend. And the weekends I wasn’t working I had too much anxiety about going out and getting sick and having to cancel a dinner. No regrets, I chose to do this, but what if I never get to do those things again…ever?!
The most devastating thought out of all of them is, what will happen to Backyard if I can’t run around for two 16-hour days to host them? What if I’m nauseous and throwing up for three months? What if my palette changes? What about taking months off for my body to heal? WHAT DO I DO WITH A LITTLE HUMAN THAT NEEDS ME FOR THE ENTIRE DAY?!
I have never been so torn in my life.
The other side of my brain has been reflecting on the last 11 years of my relationship. How Marco has worked a 40+ hour week the entire time and taken on the financial burden for our family. This has allowed me to pursue every creative interest I have had. How I haven’t had to work any boring office job in my life. I have folded a lot of his laundry and ran all the errands but I would take that over an office job any day. Now, after his 40-hour work week, he has given up his weekends to support me. He cleans toilets, learns how to make cocktails, shmoozes even when he doesn't want to, and barely complains. That’s a sacrifice that doesn’t go unnoticed. When moving out of KC we fought many times about him wanting to be outside of a city and closer to nature…we landed back in LA.
We worked so hard to create this version of our life that uprooting it again sounds more heartbreaking than exciting. These thoughts bring out the Veruca Salt in me who wants to stomp around and scream about how it’s not fair. Why does my body have to change, my job has to stop, and I have to be the mother? It’s not that I don’t want to do it but maybe I don’t want to do it. I would pay big money to grow that human inside of Marco instead.
We wrapped up our final summer dinner. 104 guests ate dinner in our backyard this summer and I still can’t believe it. I made some content for social media this week and it got no interactions. I deleted it and spiraled into an “I’m not worthy” day of doom. Then I reminded myself that I created a real life business and have customers coming for dinner regularly. I’m worthy. I worked hard and I did it. I have a drawer full of printed menus, polaroid pictures, and handwritten thank you cards from our guests. That’s worlds better than likes on a photo.
I’m a little burnt out and ready for a break. We head to Maui this week and although I have a ton of computer work to do I’m going to relax, hard. Fall is so close I can already taste it. My wheels are turning for a completely new menu for Backyard. I hope I come back energized and ready to go because my October and November are completely booked and I’m thrilled to do more dinners, while I can.
Four fall events on the calendar:
October 12th – Yoga in the Backyard! A special Thai yoga massage workshop with Katherine Bradshaw. We will start with a partnered Thai massage workshop on the deck followed by a Backyard dinner.
October 19th – Normal dinner. Eight courses celebrating October produce and flavors.
November 9th – Thanksgiving Backyard. I’ll be preparing my classic Thanksgiving meal for guests to come and enjoy. Each guest will take home a copy of my Thanksgiving recipe zine and can make the recipes later in the month for Thanksgiving. Sounds fun right?
November 16th – Mackenzie is coming back to cook another dinner with me!
Updates and tickets get sent out to my LA mailing list. Make sure you are on it, here.
Many months ago I reached out to Cypress Grove about partnering on a Backyard dinner. To my complete surprise, they responded with how they had been watching my Instagram and talking about the dinners. Excuse me, WHAT!!
They sponsored a dinner and I came up with a menu incorporating six different Cypress Grove Cheeses into my dishes. My goal was to show guests ways to cook with their cheeses, not just snack on them. This was our menu:
Gazpacho
Purple Haze Danish
Midnight Moon & Truffle Tremor
Corn & Whipped Hatch Chile Goat Cheese
Humboldt Fog Wedge
Grilled Steak
Nectarine Tart with Ms. Natural Ice Cream
Watch the video below to see more!!
Humboldt Fog Wedge
I served this wedge back when I did a dinner with challahdad and it was a hit. It’s my take on a traditional wedge salad. Instead of blue cheese dressing, I make Humboldt Fog dressing. It’s less funky and more mild but still a little tangy. Many people said they prefer it to blue cheese. If you have leftovers it makes a great dip with veggies.
Humboldt Fog Dressing
1/4 cup Mayo *Duke’s is my official recommendation
1/4 cup Sour cream
1/4 cup Buttermilk
2 teaspoons Lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon Garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon Onion powder
1 teaspoon Poppy seeds
1/4 teaspoon Celery seeds
A few cracks of black pepper
4oz Humboldt Fog
Whisk the first 9 ingredients together in a bowl. Crumble in the Humboldt Fog, bloomy rind too. Break it into pieces. Gently fold in the cheese with a rubber spatula. Chill for an hour in the fridge before using.
Wedge salad
Iceberg lettuce, cut into wedges
Crumbled bacon
Cherry tomatoes, halved
Radish, thinly sliced
Cucumber, small dice
Micro basil or thinly sliced basil
Chopped chives
Spoon the dressing over a wedge of iceberg. Then wing it and build the salad to your liking! Mix it up and use different ingredients too.
Newsletter rec: Plant Based. I like the stuff Katie writes about. Product reviews and deep dives. Plus a fun Into The Fridge series. I like it.
You know the rut I have been in with LA restaurants? Where the food is underwhelming, expensive, and the service sucks? Lasita pulled me out of my rut! We went with friends and the food was filled with fun flavors and the service was excellent. We even went back the following week with different friends. Give it a try.
Two years ago I wrote about how the unused Viking appliances in our new home kinda sucked. The worst of them all turned out to be the dishwasher. The holes in the wands would get clogged weekly, dishes would come out dirty, dishes would smell…it was never ending. No matter what we did we had dirty dishes after running the dishwasher.
We run the dishwasher 6+ times after a Backyard and I was fed up with all the rewashing I was doing and ordered a new Miele with all the bells and whistles. When I tell you this dishwasher changed my life, I mean it. Our dishes are always clean and 9 times out of 10 I run the express cycle. The best feature is that the door cracks open when it is done to vent the steam…!!!!!!!! This is such a brilliant feature.
This is your sign, if you have an appliance or important daily use item that sucks, REPLACE IT! If you need a new dishwasher I can not recommend this Miele enough.
I’m not crazy!! The Viking dishwasher is one of the worst rated on Consumer Reports!
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We got a new set of sheets. Partially because the pillowcase below had a hole in it and because I wanted a new cozy fall vibe in our bedroom. I turned the pillowcase into a Halloween costume for Josie. 👻
A dinner where you eat in a creek. Someone in Nashville go for me!
Not only are you an amazing chef and host, you are an incredible writer. Thank you for sharing so much of your ongoing journey, XO
Hi! I am mainly a quiet follower and have been wanting to come to backyard but haven't had the chance yet. My husband and I both love your content but don't interact too much online. This is a note to say you are AWESOME and PLEASE keep doing what you are doing, we love following along.